I’ve been in a funk for a few weeks and am taking a couple of weeks off work to reflect on the past and rethink my future. Much of this has been driven by how AI has changed software engineering. I spend most days chatting with Claude. I occasionally chat with humans, but lately some of those interactions have been with meat proxies, which is quite frustrating.
I realized yesterday that I miss people!
I spent the morning chatting with a couple parents chaperoning Adrian’s swim class. We talked about death and celebrations of life, and AI and the costs of living. I had lunch with a former colleague where we discussed family and gossiped about work. I texted with someone I haven’t seen in over a decade just to make sure they were doing okay. I had a wonderful phone conversation with one of my closest friends in Somerville, just catching up and discussing our futures. This all consumed, maybe, 3 hours yesterday, and every moment was deeply fulfilling.
Upon reflection I realized just how sociable I was back in Cambridge. I went into the office every day where I frequently had lunch with my team at edX, or we went out after work weekly. I took circus classes 1-2 times a week where I spent an hour laughing through the pain of twisting myself high into the air at Esh. I had monthly board meetings at MITFCU where we shared a meal before the meeting, or went out afterward on special occasions. I attended shows at Huntington Theatre every couple months, and took part in young donor events and after-show parties.
We lost all of that when we moved to the Bay Area. I made a few friends at Stripe, and meals in the office helped foster a sense of community. I joined /dev/color where I could mentor and be mentored by others. I found a nice aerial straps class, and even took up SCUBA.
Two-plus years of COVID destroyed all that. On top of that, having a kid during this time also reshaped my priorities. Most of my adult interactions—including two of the five conversations yesterday— are through Adrian’s school events and extracurriculars.
The irony is I started work on a side project to stay connected to folks, but didn’t finish it.
I’m left wondering how to consciously build the community I desire.
First thought: fondue! Michelle and I used to regularly host folks for fondue at my place in Cambridge. We’ve, maybe, hosted four times in eight years. I miss those conversations over cheese and chocolate! Coincidentally, I read a post about the decline of dinner parties yesterday. We’re definitely getting those back on the social calendar.
Beyond this, I don’t know. A monthly book club is starting up in my building. I’ve been meaning to take a class at the YMCA for two years, especially a swim class so I can keep beating Adrian in our races!
I’m still uncertain about the work aspect here. An exhausting day or week of dealing with AI at work may not be offset by a few hours of fondue. The solution here may be more in-person work or finding a team that is more collaborative.
I don’t have all the answers, but I at least have a better sense of what’s been bugging me these past few weeks.